...And I am overwhelmed by pain. Because I am thinking of my mother,724 who was afraid of You, Jesus, when she saw You.... Why was she afraid of You, Jesus?
Jesus says:
“Why? Many because they are in your heart after this dictation. But I shall begin with the last one.
“Do not weep, my little voice, my little bride. Your mother is better off than many, although she was unable to see Me as I am: active Mercy, Love and not Justice. Love that, to be the total Absolver asks for only love and trust. My love and yours have added the proper weight to the weight of love needed for your mother’s soul in order to rescue herself. Do you know that love is a treasure? It buys all, frees all, and redeems all. Do not weep.
“Why was she afraid of Me? I went to her to give her strength and light. She was afraid because.... Remember what the Gospel says about my disciples, still so imperfect not only before the Passion, when they saw Me walking on the waters, but also after having received Me as the Eucharist and being redeemed by the Sacrifice, which, in giving them back Grace, ought to have given their spirits sight and made them capable of recognizing the face of God. ‘They were afraid of Jesus because they thought he was a ghost, a spirit,’ the Gospel says.725 Your mother, too, was afraid like this. She thought I was a ghost. A severe ghost.
“Do you see, O soul of mine, what error a disturbed conscience leads to? Do you see what a sure promise of a peaceful death it is to have a spirit in friendship with God?
“I went to her, as agood Master, to speak words to her suited to cleansing her in true contrition, relieving her with holy resignation, and giving her immediate salvation with a surge of love as a lavacre for a whole lifetime. I went to her out of mercy on her and to make you happy. To the old woman in the vision726 I gave wheat and kisses and blessings. To your mother I went to give Myself, the Bread of Heaven, to give her a kiss of love and blessing as a viaticum. She was afraid because she knew Me too little. And the ones who know Me too little are too numerous.
“But do not agonize with filial love. To the old woman I said, ‘I shall open the gates for you and for your son and your son’s son, along with you.’ And to you I say, ‘I shall open the gates for you and for your mother and your father, along with you.’ Can you believe this? Can you believe that my love can make you do this? As for you, pray and love. You are not alone. I am with you, and those who love you now, in truth and goodness, are close to you.
“The other question in your heart is to know whether I knew that Judas would not be saved, in spite of that attempt at salvation.727
“I knew. And why was I happy, then? Because even just the desire present, a flower on the heath of Judas’ heart, made the Father look benignly at this disciple of mine, wham I loved and would not be able to save. God’s eyes on a heart! What would I like except for the Father to look at all of you with love? And I had to be happy to give this unfortunate this means as well to rise again. The spur of my joy on seeing him come back to Me.
“One day, after my death, John found out this truth and told it to Peter, James, Andrew, and the others, for I had so commanded the Beloved One, for whom no secret of my heart was unknown. He found out and said this so that they would all have a future norm for guiding disciples and the faithful.
“For souls that, having fallen, come to God’s minister and confess their error and come to friends or children or spouses or siblings, after having erred, and say, ‘Keep me with you. I don’t want to err any more so as not to cause pain to God and to you,’ in addition to the other things called for, the satisfaction must not be lacking of seeing our happiness on observing that they want to make us happy. Infinite tact is needed in caring for hearts. I, Wisdom, though knowing that in Judas’ case this was useless, showed this tact to teach everyone the art of redeeming, of helping those who are being redeemed.
“And I now say to you, too, as I said to Simon the Cananean, ‘Courage!’ And I clasp you to Myself to make you feel that there is someone who loves you. From these hands punishments descend, but also caresses, and from my lips, severe words, but also words of good pleasure, more numerous and spoken with much greater joy.
“Go in peace, Maria. You have not caused your Jesus affliction, and let this be your comfort.”
I was so afraid of having brought Him pain in these days... and was so afflicted while thinking of my mother....
This is joined to the grace of the flower blossoming on the balcony of my house which Marta, without realizing the gesture being repeated, brought to me. The first flower to bring me joy after six months minus fifteen days in which the most beautiful flowers have left me indifferent. A poor, small, half-withered white geranium, another one of those my mother looked at, those that grew in the earth of my flowerbed, brought almost entirely by my father! A poor flower and so beautiful for me!
How I understand you, O Mary, in your joy over receiving that almond branch from your house! Marta doesn’t know. She hasn’t read the visions. She never has time to, poor Marta, always on the move, a real Martha.728 But she repeated Joseph’s gesture on offering his Virgin Bride that flowering branch.729 And Marta does not know that she has caused me more joy than if she had brought me a jewel.
The last flower which was dear to me was the violet picked in the pine wood, by Marta, too, which I have kept, and the forget-me-not from a good friend. A greeting from Viareggio for me, who was going crazy in my hell. This makes me love flowers again. The first flower which is once again “a flower” and not a thing which did me harm.
Many will not understand.... I don’t care. I feel with my heart and love with my heart. It is that heart which is able to give itself entirely to God. If it were colder, it would reason and weigh the sacrifice. It does not reason and does not weigh anything precisely because it is the heart it is.
Consequently....
723 We omit the episode involving “The Miracle of the Gleaning,” found in the cycle on The Third Year of the Public Life.
724 Iside Fioravanzi (1861-1943). note 466.
725 Matthew 14:25-26; Mark 6:48-50; John 6:19.
726 See note 723.
727 The happiness referred to appears in the vision mentioned in note 723. The original episode, cited in note 703, contains the “attempt at salvation.”
728 Luke 10:40-41; John 12:1-2.
729 In the episode on “Joseph Designated to Be the Virgin’s Husband,” among the visions on Mary’s youth cited in note 676.