Yesterday was the Third Friday of Our Lady of Sorrows, and Jesus took care of having me observe it. Though I sought Him desolately, in the great sadness of memories in these days, Jesus, the only medicine for my sadness, did not let Himself be found. And I have remained crushed by this solitude. And I still am, for He does not make Himself felt with his comforts, even silent ones. And as soon as I am alone, I again savor the atrocious taste of my chalice last Apri1.643
Jesus responds to my sadness with Psalm 22 in the First Book of Psalms.644 He has me read it and says to me, “See yourself in the little lamb loved by the shepherd. I have done everything said in the psalm for you.”
Yes, it is true. And I, too, can say, “How beautiful my intoxicating chalice is!” Even in its bitterness it is beautiful and intoxicating, for on its rim I find the taste of the lips of my Jesus, who drank from it before me. Pain is more inebriating than joy when it is the pain of Christ. And I can say that I am really inebriated with pain, for it is so acute that, without an act of mercy by God, it would make me lose me wits. The effort to go on hoping against all possibility of hope is an effort that consumes.
And yet I want to say, and say so, firmly believing it, “Your mercy will follow me all the days of my life,”645 and hope even more that not for many years, but eternally I shall dwell with You, Jesus. But hasten to come and take me... for this passion is too long for my poor strength.
Jesus says:
“Write:
“‘I know, O Lord, that the days on which You have me weep more are the ones on which You have me gain more. Thank You, then, for having me weep.
“‘I know, O Lord, that the days on which You have me suffer more are the ones on which You have me relieve the pains of others more. Thank You, then, for having Me suffer.
“‘I know, O Lord, that the days on which You have me agonize more because You conceal Yourself are the ones on which You go to my poor brother who is lost. Thank You, then, for this agony.
“‘I know, O Lord, that the days on which You leave upon me the bitter wave of desolation, which already tastes like the salt of despair, are the ones on which I restore a despairing brother to You. Thank You, then, for this bitter wave.
“‘I know, O Lord, that the darkness making me blind, the hunger making me languish, and the thirst making me die, for your sake, because of You, serves to give You - Light, Fount, and Food - back to those dying of all deaths. Thank You, then, for my darkness, my hunger, and my thirst.
“‘I know, O Lord, that my spiritual deaths on your cross are resurrections and as many other deaths for your cross. Thank You, then, for having me die.
“‘Because I believe, Lord, that everything You do to me is for my good, for a good end, for the glory of God: the supreme Good;
“‘because I believe I will recover all of this when seeing You removes the memory of all the pain undergone; “‘because I believe that my joy will be increased by every act of suffering;
“‘because I believe that joy will be adorned with the names of those I have saved with my suffering;
“‘because I believe that for the ‘victims’ there is not Justice, but only Love;
“‘because I believe that our meeting will be a smile and a kiss, your kiss, Jesus as Love, which will dry away every trace of my tears;
“‘because I believe all of this, I thank You for my numberless thorns and love You with multiplied love.
“‘You have given me not Mary’s part, which is the better one,646 but your own, which is the perfect part: Pain.
“‘Thank You, Jesus.’
“You must say this not with your lips, but with your spirit, convinced of this truth, told to you by the One who is Truth.
“If, to make a more beautiful eternal future for You, I had known something less painful, I would have chosen it for you, because I love you; but there is none. I have given it to you, then, for a reason of infinite love.
“Every tear shed with constant adherence to the wishes of God, every tear shed with love for the One who asks you for it, and every tear you are capable of offering is adorned with the name of a work or a creature that the one who weeps accomplishes or leads to salvation.
“Weeping is not a sin. It is a tribute to our condition. I say ‘our’ because your God was a man and wept, and Mary, free from wretchedness because of her immaculateness, wept because, as the Co- Redeemer She was, She had to live through Pain, although She was not deserving of it. The Man and the Woman wept. You, too, can weep, a soul clasped by God, but not divine and not immaculate.
“The essential part is to be able to weep without turning weeping into sin - that is, without acrimony - and to be able to do so by turning weeping into a coin to ransom the slaves that Satan holds bound in his galley.
“Save, save! And do not fear. God is with you.”
641 On July 13.
642 The second was on August 11. The Italian edition contains additional short entries for August 15 and 16 and references to passages included in the life of Christ.
643 Beginning on April 9.
644 Psalm 23 in the current Bible.
645 Psalm 23:6.
646 Luke 10:38-42.